Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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