see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
whose ass print is on the piano?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
