He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
