Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
