There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
