I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
