I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
