As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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