he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I understand Curling. That high.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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