fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
