I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
