All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
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