I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
