you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Randomize
