you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
