I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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