This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
