Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
