tell your sister to shave her snatch
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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