My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize