I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
