Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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