no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
