You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
