i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
time to smoke my breakfast
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
