I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize