Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Randomize
