My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
