Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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