IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize