You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
