Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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