my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
