DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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