ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
