Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
i now understand why vodka
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize