I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
