new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize