just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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