I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize