Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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