im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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