I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
