I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
