this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
