Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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