Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
