..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm at about main and main street
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
