thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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