i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
