Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
