Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
