Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
