I hope mine doesn't look like that
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
