i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
