I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
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