Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
