My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
