we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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