I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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