in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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