i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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