so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
