I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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