I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
