so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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