"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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