I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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